Addict

When I am learning without a plan or an idea of what I am doing, I get in this mode of constant kind of anxiety, feeling that I can ONLY spend my time of the things I am trying to learn, that god forbid I will waste some time by washing clothes or getting a shave or something - all that seems like a waste of time.

But now, since I am more relaxed, following the pomodoro technique, ticking off things from my sunday to-do list, it is only 11:30 and I have already done a lot of things that help to keep my days(life) in balance. AND at the same time I still have loads of time to do HOURS of learning. Productive time, with calm mind, because other things are sorted and not at the back of my mind.

I used to be this person that gets into an "addiction" kind of mode trying to complete and perfect a task (Revit in Denmark, Garden in Nepal, linux and other things now). Nothing else is important, only me and the task. I am forced to believe that this is a bad trait and I am kind of relieved thinking about it as a bad trait, because I don't get as much work done by taking care other things in my life, but what I realized, that the “addiction” type of work mode didn't actually get me a lot of work done. I was just staring at the material without understanding what it was about. So most of my effort went into the task and only small amount of it was actually productive.

Really, for the next 6 months I will be doing this passive learning. Now it sounds good, I like it, I got structure, I have a path, I have the reasons “why”, now all I have to do is follow that path. It's all on me now.

5mins to write this and its so good. Just dumped it out.

p.s. Okay, I have re-read this after some hours and I see it doesn't really make much sence if you are not ME. I think I won't always try to make my "brain dump" material clearly understandable by others. For now, all of this is purely for me. To practice working on a keyboard, to practice using vim, to practice building website pages from time to time. So yeah :)